dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
