Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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