I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
