If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
