Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
