he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
