I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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