you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
