i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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