I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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