Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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