I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
