Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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