Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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