i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
