I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
