the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
third nipple confirmed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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