Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
