i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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