Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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