rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
