he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
