can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
