I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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