You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
