Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
pray to the hookup gods
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
