you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
