I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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