NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
