Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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