scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
