if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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