I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize