The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
