he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
