i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I could make wine with my vomit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
