Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
