look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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