Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
