This dress was meant to end up on your floor
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
