spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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