On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
