so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were destined to go to rehab together
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
