No stitches, just platelets and will power
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
