Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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