Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
