I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
