This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I could fuck to npr.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
