what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize