We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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