Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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