she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
