My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
