covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
