The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
