she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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