So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
