how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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