So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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