It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
