Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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