can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
