Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
