You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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