OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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