I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
