By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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