I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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