Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
