So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
