R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
