I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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