My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
