I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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