oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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