So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
