Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
