you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
