What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
