i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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