I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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