A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
