So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
