One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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