Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
